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So, Today I was planning on blogging about how I had a finished sock and had a good portion of the second sock done, and everything would be fine before this competition on the 28th, and no problem, I can get a pair of socks done in less than a month.
And then I remembered: I’m not Antje Gillingham (although she is a nice lady, and I love talking with her.). I’m not Cat Bordhi. And I’m damn sure not Stephanie Pearl McPhee, who can knit up a pair of socks in a week, if she is so inclined.
So what have I done, instead of knitting socks?
I finished a hat for a KAL on Ravelry. This hat is called the Flower Center Slouch, and it was crocheted with Patons Brilliant. In about 4 hours, on a Wednesday night. That’s my mom modeling it. The theme of the KAL is “April Showers/ May Flowers.”. Do one hat in a “rainy” yarn, and another in a “springy” yarn. This has metallic threads going through that look like raindrops, when the light hits it.
So that took up 4 hours of knitting time. WHERE THE HELL DID THE REST GO?
Ravelry. And the AntiCraft. And more Ravelry. And a little bit of Omegle. And a whole crapload more AntiCraft.
But the good part is that if I bust my ass working on this sock, I’ll have it finished by today. All that’s left is ½ a chart repeat, 5 rows of ribbing, and the bind off. About 25 rows all total. I I REALLY bust my ass, I can get it done by 2 PM and have half the first chart done on the second sock by bedtime.
Yeeeaaahh…about that…
So instead of actually working on the stupid thing, what am I doing?
Making a new header (which is a close up shot of the patterning in said socks.), re-doing the layout, altering pictures, eating a bagel, drinking coffee, obsessively checking ravelry, the anticraft, and cakewrecks..
The usual morning ritual.
As a precaution, I de-fuzzed my tawney owl mittens & hat, and if all else fails, those suckers are going in the comptetition. They were made for that anyway, damnit. No one else has them, or me wearing them, so screw you all. The socks are still going in the county fair though.
Bagel, anyone?
Do you know how the hell someone can make boiling eggs FLAME?!
Becuase aparrantly, my mom can do it.
Don’t ask me how. I’m still not sure.
All I know is that dad and I were sitting in the living room, basking in the yarny goodness of a well organized stash. We heard Popping coming form the kitchen, and dad shouted at mom that her freaking eggs were exploding again and she needs to be int he kitchen with them, not on the computer.
When she cam eback through, dad asked how many exploded. Mom replied that she didn’t know, becuase the POT WAS FLAMING.
How do you make fire from eggs + water?
Someone explain this to me.
Oh, and about the yarny goodness?
One of dad’s jobs was to break down these 2 peice sets so Trula (the dept mngr) could sell the peices individually. The 2 peice sets (game controllers & memory cards) came on a 4′ endcap Corrugate. Which is a facy way of saying it was a cardboard cubby-holed display.
Breaking down the items (I helped) I looked at the corrugate.
“Wow,” says me “This would be great for yarn.”
“Trula would give it to you, but the store wouldn’t let her.”
Trula, She doesn’t take shit from anyone, but she’s sweet as candy.
“I can has?” I says to Trula.
“Take it!” She says. “Throw it on a cart and you can have it.”
A well organized stash sparks my creativity.
Now I don’t know WHAT to make.
You can keep your knitting gods, damnit! Tell them to leave me alone!
Witness Exhibit A)
The Sampler Scarf.
This scarf is made from Bernat Softee Chunky. A yummy acrylic, thick and squishy. The color is perfect and this makes a good excuse to play with stitch patterns without havgin 1,232,32o little squares lying around.
However, this yarn also causes my knitting ADD to flutter around, as I have ANOTHER WIP (that I hesitate to photograph) that has been languishing for months, 3/4 finished. I have almost 1/2 a skein of that left, and i don’t know how much it will take to finish it.
Your knitting gods, Ms. Harlot, could have hit me on the head first to remind me to finish that stupid stuffed lobster before I started on my new favorite scarf. But noooooooo. I HAD to go and fall in love with it. Then, when faced with the possible prospect of frogging this scarf, I started to CRY.
I settled on finally accepting fate, and knitting for as long as I could with what yarn I had. Luckily, with some stash digging, I found another 1/2 skein of the yarn. If I’m lucky (which I’m not, ever.), I’ll have a respectable length.
Witness, please, Exhibit B:
The 1st of a pair of socks.
Here’s where those stupid knitting gods really got me.
Knitting god 1: Hey, Rogue needs to knit pair of socks for the FCE Cultural Arts Fair!
KG2: Hey, your like, totally right. She has some white wool in her stash.
Rogue (me): Hey! I think I’ll knit some socks for the FCE Cultural Arts Fair. In 28 days! Out of wool!
KG2: This is too easy.
KG1: Oh hey, Thhat Cinderella Pattern looks good. It’s even got charts!
KG2: SHE HATES CHARTS. AWESOME.
KG1: I KNOW, RIGHT?!
Then, I proceeded to write Rogue’s Rules for Socks:
1- Cast on using funky weird new cast on you’ve never used before.
2- Knit 1 row.
3- Realise that you’ve cast on wrong amount of stitches, and you did the cast on wrong anyway. Frog.
4- Cast on again. Triple check stitches and cast on method.
5- Knit 3 stitches, and realise that this time you’ve completely forgot that you were supposed to be knitting ribbing. Frog.
6- Cast on again. Triple check stitches. Pay close attention to pattern. Successfully work first 5 rows of ribbing. Begin chart.
7- Get confused becuase you read : “P on WS/ K on WS for white blocks and K on WS/ P on RS for dark blocks”, and automatically somehow mistake that for “Dark blocks mean Knit, Light blocks mean purl”, and proceed to completely mess up the first 4 rows of the chart. Tink back to 5th row of ribbing.
8- Repeat number 7 twice more, before remembering that you are dyslexic, and all your knitting problems are user error, not pattern error. Drink copius amounts of caffiene to get your brain going. Realise it’s now past 9 , and you won’t be able to sleep till 4.
9- Realise that you have so thouroughly marked up your chart that you need to print a new one. Print out second copy of chart, write extra notes on paper, and begin chart again.
10- Realise that you need to print out 3 more copies of the chart becuase you mark each one up so thoroughly that there is no chance of re-use.
11)-After printing extra copies of chart, remember that you used erasable pens on your chart specifically so you could reuse the same chart over again. Declare youself an idiot on row 23, and decide to update blog.
Ms. Harlot, please take back your knitting gods/fairies/demons/what the heck ever. My head is crowded enough without all the voices, and they really aren’t helping. Perhaps we could work out some sort of custody arrangement, with me having them once every other weekend?
Sincerely,
Rogue
(FYI for all those reading, the sock is a unique construction, being knitted flat on two needles and seamed up the sides. The pattern is called Cinderella, and is available in the fall 2007 issue of Knitty (http://www.knitty.com). The yarn is Lion Wool in “winter white”. Needles are US4s.
Also, I mean no illwill towards Stephanie Pearl McPhee, AKA the Yan Harlot. I love her blog, and her books. I was referencing one of her posts where she had to frog the same shawl approx. 10 times before finally succeeding. I apologize, Mrs McPhee, if I offended you in any way shape or form. Really. I do. You can have my alpaca sock yarn as an apology gift if I did so. I promise.)
Note to SELF:
Make your pictures smaller, retard. Your blog is a fixed width.
